Re-Written Episode: No Laughing Matter
(One morning in the kitchen, Lincoln comes in yawning in his pajamas while Luan pours a glass of fruit juice) Luan: Hey, Lincoln, want some punch? Lincoln: Sure! (Luan takes out an extendable boxing glove and punches her brother with it, sending him flying and screaming through the kitchen and laughs at his expense) Luan: If that joke knocked you out, don't miss my performance in the Junior Comedian's Contest this Saturday at the Chortle Portal. (holds up a flyer for the contest and gives it to Lincoln) It's sure to generate a lot of... (offers to help Lincoln up, and shocks him with a joy buzzer in her hand) ...buzz! (laughs and runs off) (Telso and flain are downstairs watching a bike show a spring-locked pie controller splats them) Luan: What's the pie around here? (Laughs and gushes flain) Get it? Luan: Splat off and come to my show! (Telso and flain read it) (Lori and Leni are putting on their makeup in the bathroom. Lori with a mascara and Leni with a lipstick Luan barges in, making them ruin their faces) Luan: Did you guys hear that the lipstick and the eyeliner got into a fight? Don't worry. They'll makeup! (laughs and nudges Leni) Get it? (Lori and Leni sigh as Luan gives them a flyer) Luan: Come see me perform in the Junior Comedian's Contest this Saturday. It'll definitely leave you feeling... (flushes the toilet) ...flushed! (Luna screams from the toilet flushing because she's taking a shower. Luan gives her older sister a flyer much to her annoyance. Lisa is busy working on some chemicals only for Luan to barge in) Luan: Hey, Lisa, what's 3.14159? Lisa: Pfft. Don't waste my time. That's pi. Luan: Did you say pie? (pelts Lisa with one and laughs) I'll be serving up a big slice of comedy at the Chortle Portal, Saturday night. (gives Lisa a flyer) (Lisa wipes her glasses' lenses with the flyer. Lynn and Lucy's room) Luan: (knocking on Lucy's coffin) Knock knock! Lucy: (from inside) Who's there? Luan: Ivan. Lucy: Ivan who? Luan: (opens the coffin holding Edwin as Lucy hissed; Transylvanian accent) Ivan to suck your blood! Lucy: Please don't touch Edwin. (takes Edwin back and closes her coffin) Luan: Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to be a pain in the neck! (laughs) Hey, come see my act at the Chortle Portal. (puts the flyer inside the coffin) I promise it won't bite! (laughs) (As she leaves, she places a whoopee cushion on Lucy's desk where Lynn arrived with her football and sits down and falls for the trick) Luan: Gas what? You're invited, too! (gives Lynn a flyer) (Lola and Lana's room. Lola is having a tea party with her dolls) Lola: Thank you all for coming to my tea party. Who would like a finger sandwich? (offers them) (Mr. Coconuts suddenly appears on the tray) Luan: (voicing Mr. Coconuts) Finger sandwich? I was hoping for toe-fu! Har har! Get it, toots? (Lola gets annoyed as Luan gives her a flyer) Don't be a dummy. Come to my show. (gives more to Lola's dolls and leaves) (The living room. The other siblings are talking about what Luan did to them earlier) Lincoln: I got punched! Luna: I got flushed! Lisa: I got pie'd. Lola: (unimpressed) Toe-fu? Really? (Enter Lana with an egg yolk and a flyer on her head; she sighs) Lincoln: Let me guess. Luan? Lana: Ugh. She said she had a "yolk" that would "crack me up". PS: it didn't. (Luan is coming downstairs with Mr. Coconuts and hears what the others are saying) Lynn: I can't wait for her Chortle Portal thing to be over. (while bouncing her basketball) She's been driving me nuts! Lola: a manicure from Leni Tell me about it! It's not even funny! She just does the same routine and it's annoying! Leni: It's really annoying! Lincoln: I wish she would stop turning everything into a stupid joke and do something else! Lola: Yeah! Leni: Totes! Lori: Seriously! Lana: I know! It's not funny! (Upon hearing this, Luan becomes depressed, closes Mr. Coconuts' eyes, and walks back upstairs) Luan: (upset) Are they right, are my jokes really not that funny? (voicing Mr. Coconuts) Well toots, they weren't really laughing at what you did earlier. (as herself) Yes they were, or were they? (Luan thinks back to all the pranks she had done earlier as each sibling groans in annoyance as Luan leaves the room, it then cuts back to the present) Luan: (gasps) I didn't hear them laugh and if I didn't make them laugh then I really am not funny! (voicing Mr. Coconuts) Don't beat yourself up over this kiddo, you are funny, just like that Robin Williams guy. Besides, this is something you've been doing ever since you were six, the problem is the material you were using. (as herself) Well I guess reusing pranks off internet videos didn't help, especially when it turned out to all be staged with actors. (Luan lifts Mr. Coconuts arm to make him faceplam as she enters her room) Luan: I can't believe it took me this long to learn what people really think of my comedy, if I use the same material at the Chortle Portal I'll be booed off stage. (to Mr. Coconuts) I'm sorry Mr. Coconuts, but I need to take a break from you I need to figure out what makes my comedy annoying and become better! (voicing Mr. Coconuts) You gotta do what you gotta do. (Luan puts Mr. Coconuts down next to her bed as she picks up her joke book looking over what she had performed) Luan: I did that, (flips the page) and that one, (flips the page) I don't even recall how many times I've done that joke. (Luan closes her book and sighs as she lays down on her bed) Luan: (upset) I know I'm funny this is something I'm talented at, I just need to be better. (The next day, same setup as yesterday with Lincoln and Luan) Lincoln: (notices Luan pouring fruit punch and flinches) Oh, boy, is that punch? Luan: Yep, want some? Lincoln: (holding a skillet) Not this time! (He holds it up for protection, but to his surprise, Luan just pours a glass and gives him some) Lincoln: Oh, Thanks? (Luan walks off and goes to the bathroom to see Lori and Leni doing what they did yesterday) Luan: Hey, guys, do you know what happened to my hairbrush? Lori: (sarcastic) I don't know Luan, What did happen to your hairbrush? Luan: Oh. Never mind. There it is. (takes it and leaves much to the befuddlement of her older sisters) Luna: (pops her head out of the shower) That was totally weird, dudes. Leni: I know. She didn't even do this. (walks towards the toilet) Luna: (glares) Don't you dare! Leni: Whoops, (laughs nervously) I forgot sorry. (Lisa and Lily's room) Lisa: (finishing a math equation) Chyeah! I solved it! I do not know why Pythagoras couldn't hack this one. It's a piece of cake. Luan: (Walks in) Did you just say piece of cake? Lisa: (nervous) Oh, boy. Here comes the dessert projectile! (puts on a gas mask for protection) Luan: (looking at the equation) Cause it looks really hard to me, Congratulations. (shakes Lisa's hand and leaves) Lisa: (baffled) Felicitations instead of frosting? I don't understand. (Luan goes into Lucy and Lynn's room) Luan: (knocking) Knock knock. Lucy and Lynn: (sarcastic) Who's there? Luan: Me, I need to borrow a dollar. Lucy and Lynn: (expecting a punchline) Me, I need to borrow a dollar who? Luan: Fine. If you're not gonna help me, I'll just go ask Lola. (leaves) (Lucy and Lynn look at each other shocked. Lola is having another tea party in her room. Enter Luan) Luan: Hey Lola, can I borrow a dollar? Lola: (thinking it's a pun) Oh, heh-heh. I get it. Doll-ar. (points to her doll) Very funny. (awkwardly realizes) Oh. You...actually want a dollar. (unzips her teddy bear, gets out her cash stash, and gives Luan a dollar) Luan: Thanks. (leaves) (Luan returns to her room and puts the dollar in her wallet) Luan: Perfect, I should have enough money for the Advanced Joke book at the bookstore, hopefully now I can learn some new material that won't make me come off as annoying. (notices her old comedy props and sighs) Looks like I have no need for these gags, (notices Mr. Coconuts) Oh except for you Mr. Coconuts. (Lincoln is shown walking upstairs when he notices Luan walking out of her room with a big trash bag full of stuff) Lincoln: (confused) Hey Luan, what's with the bag? Luan: Oh this, I was just cleaning out some stuff in my room. (Luan walks downstairs with the trash bag until Lincoln notices what's in the trash bag) Lincoln: (to himself) Gag glasses, Whoopee cushions, and her joke notebook? (Lincoln realizes what's going on and gasps as it cuts to all of the siblings minus Luan having a sibling meeting in Lori and Leni's room) Lori: (slams her shoe as a gavel) Meeting called, what is it that you called us up here for Lincoln? Lincoln: Today I noticed Luan taking out some trash from her room, but then I saw what was in the bag which were her comedy props. Leni: Wait, her comedy props? Lana: Do you think she had her props in there because of us? Lincoln: I think so, maybe she overheard what we said and decided to give up on comedy! (The sisters gasp) Lola: I can't believe this, she's giving up comedy and it's all our fault! Lori: All we wanted was for her to literally do something new, this wasn't what we had in mind! Luna: Dudes, what are we going to do? We can't be the reasons why Luan gives up what she loves to do. Lincoln: I think I know what to do. (Later that day, Luan returns home with her book and walks upstairs. In the hallway, Lola is whistling casually and hears Luan walking upstairs. She takes out a banana, peels it, and tosses the peel on the floor right on cue as Luan walks in) Lola: Casually Lynn: "Lola, will you please quit that annoying whistling? we don't even know what's about to happen around here." Lola: (acting) Uh-oh! I dropped my banana peel! I wouldn't want anyone to slip on it! (awaits Luan's response) Luan: Maybe then pick it up. (walks downstairs as Lola looks sad) (The kitchen. Lincoln has a bunch of pies) Lincoln: (acting) Hey, Luan! I just made six cream pies, but I can't think of what to do with them! (awaits) Luan: I don't know. You could eat two, I guess, and then give the rest to charity. (gets an apple from the fridge and goes up to her room) Luna: (on her drums, acting) Man, I've been practicing my rimshots all day! If only I had a reason to bust one out! (awaits) Luan: Well, good luck with that. (leaves much to the rocker's sadness) (Downstairs in the living room, Lori and Leni are looking out a window) Lori: (acting) Gee, Leni, it sure is wet outside. Leni: (acting) How wet is it? (They notice Luan) Lori: I don't know. Luan, how wet is it? Luan: (looks out the window) Pretty wet, but I think it's clearing up. (walks away to their concern) (Luan is in her room laying on her bed reading her new joke book) Luan: Oh wow, so comedy doesn't just have to be puns and props I never knew that. (flips the page) So I have to be aware of whether or not my jokes will be funny to not just myself, but to the audience as well. (flips the page) Maybe I can make jokes at the Chortle Portal involving my family, (smiles) Ooh boy I got some funny material for that! (Luan pulls out a notebook and begins writing, meanwhile back in Lori and Leni's room the rest of the siblings have another meeting as Lori slams her shoe down as a gavel) Lori: Okay everyone, clearly the joke setups are not working. Lincoln: Don't worry, I have another plan. We're gonna skip the jokes and go straight to the laughs. Lynn: What does that mean? Lincoln: All homers and no pitches. Lynn: (smiles) I like it! (They all agree and cheer, as it cuts to Luan writing in her notebook in the dining room as Lynn passes her by) Luan: Hey Lynn, do you mind getting me a glass of water I'm thirsty? Lynn: (laughs) You're thirsty!? Ha ha ha! That's a good one! (Lynn walks into the kitchen as Luan looks confused but continues to write, it then cuts to Luan walking into the living room and spots Lincoln watching TV) Luan: Anything good on TV? Lincoln: (laughs) Good on TV?! Ha ha ha! You really got the jokes today! (Lincoln continues to laugh as Luan looks even more confused and walks upstairs, Luan walks into her room and spots Luna tuning her guitar sitting on her bean bag) Luan: Do you mind leaving Luna I need to work on something in here? Luna: (laughs) Work on something?! Ha ha ha! I'm sure it's something too private for me! (Luna gets up and walks out of her room as Luan continues to look confused as she closes the door and pulls out her notebook out from under her bed) Luan: I don't get why my siblings were acting so weird, but this might make for some funny material at the Chortle Portal tonight. (Later that day, Luan is shown walking downstairs as the other siblings are sitting in the living room) Luan: I'll see you guys later, I'm off to take care of something. Lucy: Take care of something? Lynn: Where are you going? Luan: To this place my friend told me about, (hears a car honk outside) there's my ride I gotta go! (Luan walks out of the house as the rest of the siblings look at each other confused) Luna: Dudes, where could she be going? Lincoln: She can't be going to Chortle Portal after giving up comedy, I saw her throw her comedy props away. Lisa: Not to mention she hasn't cracked a single joke all afternoon or yesterday. Lori: Plus our attempts to make her crack a joke literally failed. Lana: Maybe she's going to try and cheer herself up by seeing other comedians perform. Lincoln: (gasps) I got an idea, why don't we go to the Chortle Portal and perform as a comedy group as a way of saying sorry to Luan! Lola: Wait, all of us on stage? Lisa: I assume there's a limit to the amount of performers in a comedy group. Lincoln: Well maybe just a few of us, I'll be the front man (to Luna) Luna will provide the sound effects (to Lynn) Lynn will be my comedy partner (to Lola) and Lola can be my extra. Luna: Works for me. Lynn: I'm down for that. Lola: As long as I get to look cute on stage. Lori: There's just one problem, what material will we use to perform with? Lincoln: I got Lana to dig something out of the trash that will certainly benefit us. (pulls out Luan's old jokebook) Lana: Eh I was just in the trash looking for a can for my collection. Lincoln: The rest of you will be in the audience trying to support us on stage now, (opens the notebook) let's see what we'll do. (Later that night at the Chortle Portal the siblings except for Lincoln, Luna, Luan, Lynn, and Lola were sitting in a booth waiting for the show to start) Lori: Any of you see Luan anywhere? Lana: I found her other there close to the stage. (The siblings spot Luan at a table all alone) Leni: Why is she all alone? Lucy: She probably wants to not let anyone else get in her way of watching the show. MC: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Junior Comedian's Night! Please give a hearty Chortle Portal welcome to our first comedians, Lincoln Loud and the Laughing out Loud Crew! (The crowd cheers) Luan: (baffled) Lincoln? (Lincoln runs on stage with Luna following him up carrying a drumset, Lynn holding Luan's old jokebook, and Lola) Luan: (confused) Why do they have my old jokebook? Lincoln: Say Lynn, did you hear about the story of the horse that walked into a bar? Lynn: I did, so he can get to the other side! (Luna hits the drums and cymbal only to not be any laughter) Luan: That's the wrong punchline! Lynn: (nervous) Uhh say Lincoln, do you know how the eyeliner and lipstick solved their fight? Lincoln: (nervous) They uh... got caked! (Lincoln throws a cake in Lynn's face as Luna hits the drums and cymbal only for their to not be any laughter as Luan makes a look of discomfort) Lincoln: (nervous) Uhhh Lola, do you mind coming up front for us? (Lola walk up in front of Lincoln) Lincoln: I got this new chair I want you to try out! (Lynn pulls out the chair and places it behind Lola, as she's about to sit down Lynn pulls back the chair and Lola falls on her butt, and the hidden Whoopie cushion falls off the chair) Lincoln: (annoyed) Lynn! Lynn: (laughs nervously) I thought we were doing the pull the chair back joke! Luna: (confused) Wait does that even count as a joke? MC: Okay that's enough of that, give it up for Lincoln Loud and the Laughing Out Loud Crew! (The rest of the siblings were slow clapping hoping the rest of the audience would clap but they didn't as Lincoln, Luna, Lynn and Lola walk off stage embarrassed) MC: Now to actually bring us laughs, here's Luan Loud! (The audience cheers as the rest of siblings are surprised, Luan walks on stage in front of the microphone) Luan: (laughs nervously) Well well, now my job just got a lot easier for tonight. (Luan continues to look nervous as she's on stage) Luan: (In her head) Remember Luan, comedy doesn't just have to be puns and props and I have to be aware of whether or not my jokes will be funny to not just myself, I can do this. (breathes) I've got some good jokes I wanna share with you tonight, well good might not be the best answer but at least better than the opening act I was saddled with. (Some of the audience begins to laugh as Luan feels more comfortable) Luan: (smiles) I mean what was up with that joke about the horse in the bar, if the punchline was suppose to be different then it still wouldn't make sense! (The audience continues to lightly laugh) Luan: (smiles) And then there was the cake used as a punchline involving lipstick and eyeliner, if that's how they pamper themselves in the morning I don't wanna know what they do to get ready for bed! (The audience laughs at Luan's joke as does the other siblings too, which makes Luan smile even more) Luan: (smiles) If you thought those guys were insane my family is even crazier, if you ask them for some water they'll think you're asking for more than just water! (The audience laughs especially Lynn as she realizes what Luan is referring to) Luan: (smiles) If you ask them what they're watching they'll think it's a joke, all I kept thinking was "do you have to watch the private channels in the living room?" (The audience laughs especially Lincoln realizing what she's referring to) Luan: (smiles) Probably the most awkward moments come when you need a room to yourself and your roommate jokes about how I need "alone" time, if writing in a notebook is considered "alone" time then I don't wanna know what your form of "alone" time involves! (The audience laughs especially Luna as she realizes what she's referring to) MC: Ladies and gentlemen give a round of applause for Luan Loud! (The audience stands up applauding Luan as does her siblings leaving her smiling with joy, it cuts to the next morning, Luan enters the kitchen much to her siblings' delight) Leni: There she is! The winner of the Junior Comedian's Contest! (hugs Luan) Luan: Oh! (Hugs Leni back) I'm glad you enjoyed my performance up there, although I don't get why you were also there performing as well. Lincoln: Well the truth is that we felt guilty for making you quit comedy. Lynn: So when we thought you were going to the Chortle Portal, we wanted to perform so we can show the audience that your comedy is funny. Luna: But in the end, it doesn't even matter. Lola: Mostly cause we're not funny like you Luan. Luan: (snickers) Guys did you actually think I would give up on comedy? Lana: But you threw away your old comedy props. Lori: So we assumed that you heard us vent about you. Luan: Yeah I did throw my props away and I did hear you complain about me, but I needed that. I realized that the jokes I were doing weren't funny and the problem came with the material I used, comedians can't just keep using the same jokes over and over again I need to grow and see what I did wrong. Besides this is something I've been passionate about ever since I was a little kid, I love doing comedy I just need to grow as a performer and get better in order to continue doing what I love. Lincoln: (smiles) That's great to hear Luan, and you were really funny last night especially with those jokes referring to us. Lori: Yeah you were literally hilarious, We're sorry we said that harsh stuff about you. Luan: (gets her breakfast) Thanks, that means a lot. And I know I can be a little bit much sometimes, I'll try to tone it down. (bumps into Lana) Lana: Whoops! (trips) Luan: (laughs) Your breakfast is toast! And that's no yolking matter! (covers her mouth) I'm sorry, now I'll tone it down. Luna: (smiles) It's okay dude. Lori: (smiles) How many more jokes do you have for that? Luan: Plenty, If I scramble fast I can make another! (laughs) Lincoln: (pats her back) It's good to have you back. (walks away) Luan: Hey, why are you heading for the egg-sit? I'm bacon you to come back! (laughs as the iris stops on her) I crack myself up. (continues laughing as the iris closes completely) The End Category:Episodes Category:Re-writes